Being Raised by Poly Parents


Whenever there is a discussion about polyamorous relationships, the subject of children inevitably comes up. What do you tell them? What do they tell their friends? Will it hurt them to be raised in a non-standard household? So I've decided to throw a few answers out from personal experience.

Poly parents raised me. A FMF triad. My mother's best friend lived with us from prior to my birth to her death, a number of years after my father's death. The three adults that raised me all loved each other, and they all loved my brother and I. We referred to my mother's best friend as "Aunt" for convenience, but she wasn't an aunt, she was a second mother.

This may not have been that uncommon in the 60's, with the free love philosophy of the times, but it didn't seem to be happening in the middle-class neighborhoods I grew up in. Everyone else's family was the typical nuclear family with two adults and varying numbers of children. I was the only one I knew with three parents.

I don't remember it being a source of teasing from the other kids. There were quite a few families with an extra adult around under the guise of "Aunt" or "Uncle". The subject of my aunt came up occasionally among my friends, and we just answered the questions, and moved on to something more interesting. Our parents raised us with openness and honesty. We always knew how things were between them, and didn't find it unusual. We accepted it us such, and our friends did too.

There were advantages to having more than two parents. There was always an adult around when we needed one. I'm sure my memories are biased with childish selfishness, but being able to always find someone when I needed to talk was a thing most of my peers didn't share, not to mention there was always someone to take me places or do things with me.

Whether or not this gave my brother and I a skewed view on monogamy is hard to say. I was in a monogamous relationship for seven years and decided I didn't like the limitations it placed on me. My brother has been in a monogamous marriage for fifteen years, plans to stay that way, and is perfectly happy. As for any negative feelings about marriage, those came from outside. My parents were happy together, and the way I see it, the main difference between monogamy and polyfidelity is the number of people involved.



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