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When I started putting this page together, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to say about polyamory. I could put all the standard responses about the joys of multiple loves, or how enlightening loving more than one person is, or any of the popular party lines about being poly. I'm not saying I disagree with all that, but if you're here, you've probably seen all that stuff more than once (if not, see the links page), so I decided to skip all the standard info on polyamory that can be found everywhere else on the Web, and stick to why non-monogamy is important to me.
After a lot of thought, I've come to the conclusion that some people are much better at monogamy than others. I am not one of them. I freely admit that I have trouble with any type of fidelity, emotional or sexual. It's not something that matters to me, and I've never quite been able to figure out why it is so important to some people. In my early years, when all my friends were going steady and trying on serial monogamy for size, I was the rebel that dated more than one person. There were so many people to get to know, and the idea of having to find someone to spend the rest of my life with at the age of eighteen was ridiculous.
I happily spent my late teens and early twenties dating as many people as I felt like dating. Okay, I did lose a few lovers because of it, but no one I couldn't live without. "But if you love me, why do you need anyone else?" was a commonly asked question. And I didn't have the words to explain.
I tried monogamy for more than seven years. It chafed, like an ill-fitting shoe. I don't like limits. I rebel against them without conscious thought. Having limits forced on me by someone else for a reason that makes no sense to me is guaranteed not to make me happy. I managed to be monogamous. Barely. But it made me unhappy, and unhappiness quickly turned to resentment against my S.O. even though the decision to be monogamous had been mine. I knew that it wasn't his fault I wasn't happy, but the emotional side of me still held it against him. Not a very nice thing to have to admit, but it's the truth.
Polyamory is supposed to be about loving without limits. And for me, that's what it comes down to. I've always had a problem with the phrase "just friends." It implies that friends means only so much to me, and aren't to be taken too seriously. It's never worked that way for me. The line between friendship and love is blurred far too often to dismiss my close friends as "just friends."
I like being able to let friendships and other relationships go as far as everyone is comfortable with. I like being able to realize that I'm attracted to people without having to worry about crossing some line that society has set. I like knowing that if someone new comes along, and I love them, I don't have to stop loving the people that are already in my life. I like the freedom polyamory offers me to love who I want. I like being able to say there are many different ways to love, and I can pick the one that makes me happy.
